Sarabeth, I think your technical description is very well written and readable. You give many good visual details about the dogs. The only advice I have for you is to try and sound more neutral. At many points it seems like you're trying to sell the breed to the reader. Especially with your closing statement, "life is hard to imagine without a dachshund." I'd recommend losing the picture as well, it suggests a bias for this dog. Maybe an image of the dogs alone would be better.
Your description does a good job of informing the reader on the general traits and typical care for dachshunds. I feel like you probably have enough in these areas for an adequate technical description. If you were to add more, it could be in the genetics behind the different types of dachshunds. Additionally, mentioning how common each coat type is and thus how much more a less common coated dachshund costs would be interesting as well.
Sarabeth, I think your technical description is very well written and readable. You give many good visual details about the dogs. The only advice I have for you is to try and sound more neutral. At many points it seems like you're trying to sell the breed to the reader. Especially with your closing statement, "life is hard to imagine without a dachshund." I'd recommend losing the picture as well, it suggests a bias for this dog. Maybe an image of the dogs alone would be better.
ReplyDeleteYour description does a good job of informing the reader on the general traits and typical care for dachshunds. I feel like you probably have enough in these areas for an adequate technical description. If you were to add more, it could be in the genetics behind the different types of dachshunds. Additionally, mentioning how common each coat type is and thus how much more a less common coated dachshund costs would be interesting as well.
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